Discovering My Spiritual Gift in a Perpetual State of Prayer

The past two days of been warring on me spiritually and emotionally.

No doubt you have heard about the terrible, senseless act of Violence that happened at an African- American church this past week.

Like many I was shocked and sadden, and felt anger.

I've seen it all through out my Facebook newsfeed.

Everyone has theories and is pointing fingers on who to blame.

I've been sad by the environment that I have seen. A Tragedy that should be uniting us, has causing division.

But this happens every time there is a tragedy or spark of controversy.

I used to jump right in and make my stance known.

I used to argue and post my opinions on the cause of things and get in arguments with people of opposing views.

This weekend, however, has been different. This weekend I was in what seemed like a perpetual state of prayer.

I have had my head covered almost the whole time, I found myself on my knees in prayer frequently, when I would pray the rosary I would find myself mentally and physically exhausted. I wept while praying.

And for the first time in my life, I took a fast.

This weekend, I finally figured out what I believe is to be my spiritual gift. Prayer.

You see, when I was in the Charismatic movement, I remember a woman tell me that she thought I was an intercessor.

I always wondered if that was true for many years, but this weekend confirmed it. In the past, I thought how silly. Not me being an intercessor, mind you, but that my gift was just to pray.

I know from experience that at times, prayer can seem like you are doing nothing useful. I thought "everyone prays. What makes intercessors so special?"

And it took me a while to figure out that it's actually a good thing.

You see in times like these, it seems like everyone has a hill to die on and grabs their sword to wage war.

Sad thing is, lately it seems, that they are not fighting their enemy, but their brothers.

Left vs. Right, White vs. black (heck, lately I've been seeing white vs white) North vs. South. Pro gun vs Anti gun.
And it's maddening!

But in the midst of all this turmoil, I saw the most beautiful sight that, again, brought tears to my eyes.

It was newsfeed from the courtroom. The South Carolina shooter was completely stone walled. No emotion, not the slightest bit of remorse and the families of the victims had to face him.

I don't know what I would do if I was in their position. Many people I know would have told this man that they hope he hangs and burns in hell for what he did.

But what they did was the exact opposite.

They told him they forgive him. They begged him to repent. They told him to search for Christ,

  This man took away everything precious they had. Their children, friends, relatives, and pastor, and their main concern was that he find forgiveness in Christ so that he may not perish for eternity when he leaves this life and goes to the next.

At the memorials, there were no riots, no shouting, or blaming. There was weeping, and candles lit, and prayers said, and human beings helping their fellow man in this desperate hour of need.

So I prayed more.

I have been praying for God's comfort and peace for the families, and for God to soften this man's heart.

And that's what I decided to do for now on.

I don't know what pushed this man over the edge. We still have many racist groups in the entire world, let alone this country. But many of them never kill or even think about killing. Many people I know hate their own brothers. I see it on their facebooks. The word hate to describe feeling towards someone is sadly more common than anyone would hope for, but they do not commit acts of violence.

So what did it? And what made him like a stone?

I don't know. This whole blame game, is not my personal fight. Maybe it's yours. and if it is, that's fine. Just please remember who the enemy truly is. And trust me, it's not your facebook friend that might have the confederate flag hanging in their living room. Or the leftist Liberal who wants to repeal the Second Amendment.

My personal feeling is that this young man may be suffering from some sort of demonic oppression, but again, that's my own theory.

All I can do is pray. Pray for peace. Pray for comfort. Pray for repentance. Pray for God's will.

I can't be on the world wide web's battle grounds anymore.

So, like a Carmelite nun, I cloister myself and find quiet and search for the peace of God.

I'm not saying everyone has to do this, but if you feel yourself angry about this whole mess and cannot seem to find peace, I would highly recommend a session of prayer.

And if you do feel that prayer is not enough, remember this:

God has given us two of the most powerful tools in his arsenal:

Prayer and Love.

Something I haven't seen a whole lot on facebook lately. just blame, anger and hatred.

I actually found a very useful prayer for this time:

Gracious God,
surround us and all who mourn this day
with your continuing compassion.
Do not let grief overwhelm your children,
or turn them against you....
When grief seems never-ending,
take them one step at a time
along your road of death and resurrection
in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen

May the Lord be with you.