The Church is a Whore and She's my Mother: From Bitterness to Peace

I've met quiet a few people who have made the Similar transition that I have. People who have bounced around from church to church, and then finally feel right at home in the more Orthodox churches.

When I was in my younger years, it would seem odd to me when I would meet people who have been attending the same church (or denomination) since the day they were born.

I found it a little odd, but at the same time, I envied them.

How nice would it have been not to change customs or worship styles.

Go from Liturgy to hour long sermons with flashing lights and loud music or Vice Versa.

Switching from Praise and Worship with drums and the lyrics appearing on a giant screen behind the band to 200 year old hymns that you read in a book accompanied by a piano or an organ or Vice Versa.

There is a phrase I use to describe myself.

I call myself a foster Child of the church.

I bounced around from church to church, and just when I was getting used to how things were at one, something would happen and it was time to go another home.

If it sounds like this was a bad experience, don't feel bad. I'm glad that I went to the different churches I did.

I met a lot of wonderful people, had some wonderful pastors, I got to learn a lot about the different parts of the Body of Christ, and in the more Liturgical churches, I got great lessons in Church History (A subject that still fascinated me to this day).

But there are times I think back and see a few regrets.

You see, my parents were married in a Charismatic church in Atlanta. A church they still to this day refer to as a cult. It got national news about a huge scandal where the Pastor (Though he refer to himself as "Bishop") told many of the women and young girls that it was God's will for them to sleep with him while his wife was ill and bed ridden.

My parents left before anything came out in the open. Nothing happened to them or any other family members that attended, but my parents were beginning to get suspicious.

They didn't really want anything to do with the Charismatic churches after it hit the news. So they stuck with more traditional Churches. (Methodists and Presbyterian)

I on the other hand, kept getting attracted to the more Charismatic/ Evangelical churches.


I was invited by a childhood friend of mine to her Baptist church. They did a mixture of Hymns and Praise and Worship and liked to raise their hands during praise. Though I had some friends there, I still felt a bit of an outsider. But then again, I was becoming a teenager and going through those awkward years of trying to figure out who I was. Turns out, I'm a bit of a spastic weirdo, so I wasn't exactly "Popular".

Not to mention the fact that I was a bit of a loner because I was dealing with Suicidal thoughts and tendencies as depression was a constant thing for me in my teen years (but more on that in another post).

But I did have a small group of Tight knit friends, Some that I had since before Kindergarten and was grateful for.

But there I participated in lock ins, hand raising during praise and worship, sobbing at the alter call almost every Sunday, and every other Sunday, go walk around down Town Passing out gospel tracts.

Yep! I passed out tracts and told people "If you read this, it could change your life forever!"
Tracts that looking back, I wish I could have burned so they never saw the light of day.

Then we moved towns and it was hard to attend the Baptist church, so my family and I started attending the Presbyterian church just down the street from our new home that we attended when I was little because my Grandparents attended.

Going from Baptist from Presbyterian was a bit of a culture shock. Though I attended from ages 7-10, it had been a while and I had to get used to no one raising their hands, saying "Amen" whenever The Pastor had something good or profound to say, reciting the Lord's prayer and the Apostle's creed every Sunday, Women were allowed to be Pastor's, and the only time I cried in service was when Pastor Tim* asked for a special prayer during a service for my Grandfather who was dying from Cancer.

I think the last part might have been the main reason why I started to do some soul searching. Years of on and off depression, my grandfather dying, and the fact that none of the kids in the Presbyterian youth group liked me because I was the weird kid, started making wonder if God actually existed at all.

I started looking at other options when It came to religion. About Different Religions all together.

I went though the list of some of the big ones. Judaism, Islam, Wicca, Hinduism, etc.

Even thought about just being an agnostic even an atheist.

The last two, I Quickly realized weren't going to do.

Thought bad stuff was happening all over the word and seemed to constantly loom over me, I couldn't just believe that everything that exists on this earth happened all just by chance.

And just being an Agnostic wasn't that much of an option to me because I couldn't be content with just saying "I don't know". Now some Agnostics I know actually try and seek out truth for themselves, but most I've known just have the attitude of "I don't know, and I don't care".

I just couldn't do it.
It's like my husband said to me the other night:

"Honey, you're a Truth Seeker and you won't be content until you've found it".

Then just when I had almost given up on church altogether, I found this tiny little store front Charismatic church.

I found my way inside because I saw kids playing air hockey through the window.
My parents were concerned of the fact I didn't have many friends and encourage me to see if they had a youth group.

And that was all it took.

I started attending on a regular bases, and my parents started to come with me to make sure I wasn't getting wrapped up in a cult that they did all those years ago. Eventually, they became members as well.

It was at that church that I began to have a real relationship with Christ. The suicidal thoughts and depression began to quickly fade (It would rear it's ugly head every so often, but it never stayed for long.

We stayed there for a few good years.

But we left again because we felt the trust we had with the pastor was breaking at the seems.

after a few months of the church growing, he felt like he was on the path of becoming a mega church millionaire.

He preached the prosperity constantly, wanted to make sure the spotlight was always on him, encouraged us to listen and follow fat cat televangelists that always made sure their audience had the warm and fuzzies right before the collection plate got passed around, and the thing that broke the camels back for my family, was that they were sure he used money that they had donated for the building fund and used it to build a Christian bookstore and coffee house.

So we left and began to attended a Charismatic light church which my parents still attend to this day.

Now reading this, you might think there is some bitterness I have to the Charismatic movement.

Well, there was for a bit.

I started doing research on some of the charismatic movement and saw the manipulation some of the major figure had and was disgusted. My heart began to harden.

But God quickly started to soften it.

I have to remember, if it wasn't for the Charismatic movement, I probably wouldn't be a Christian to this day, let alone an Anglo-Catholic.

Does the church has it's flaws? yes, what church doesn't.

But it was that movement that taught me how to have a relationship with God along with having a religion.

I'm going to take a twist on a classic quote by St. Augustus now.

"The (Evangelical) church is a Whore, but she's my mother".

I've met a lot of people like me who have transitioned from Evangelical to more Orthodox denominations. And yes, I have met some people who hold bitterness to there old churches as I did

when for a brief time.

Can the Evangelical church be an unfaithful bride of Christ? Oh yes. Without a doubt... But she's also my mother.

I am very much convinced that I would not be attending mass most Sundays, saying my prayers, and doing my devotions if it wasn't for her.

To be honest, if it wasn't for the Evangelical church, I would have probably committed suicide all those years ago and be buried 6 feet underground with my parents mourning always asking themselves why I did it, because I always kept my feelings secret at that time.

So am I bitter of the Charismatic movement. Not really. Will I pray for them? Absolutely.

Does that mean that all Charismatics are fake? Not at all. There are so many of them that truly love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and Mind.

But in any group of people out there, the fakes and the crazies are always the loudest. And I can't judge an entire group of people, by a few heretics.

May the Lord be with you.