Why I Veil Part 1 of 2: Headcovering- The Full story

So since I was sick today, I wasn't going to blog, but one can only lay in bed and Play the Sims 3 for so long.

As I explained in my first entry, I cover my head when I attend church, pray, and certain special occasions.


You know by now how I became an Anglican, so I think it's time I told you how I became veiled.


Well, for reasons I could not explain, I felt like God wanted me to cover my head since I was 13 years old.
It kind of came up out of the blue and I didn't know why. I tried to ignore it, but the feeling kept getting stronger.
I tried talking to my parents about possibly headcovering. Even once about covering my hair for lent when we were Presbyterians.

My parents said "Don't do that, people will think your Muslim."


So, I didn't and continued with my life. The feeling went a way, then years later I found a youtuber by the name GothMummi . A Christian Woman who wore a Hijab.

I thought it was interesting, but I still repressed the need to cover.

So when did I finally decide to take the plunge?

When I got engaged to my husband.

I started covering 2 months before my wedding, but let me give you a little background story:

Five months before our wedding, my husband and I was in a terrible car accident. Basically the steering Wheel locked up, we hit a drain pipe, and flipped the truck 4 times before landing upside down.
I got knocked in the head a bit, so all I remember is one flip and then all of a sudden, I'm hanging by my seatbelt upside down, and my fiancé is already out of the truck trying to get me out.

I was in excruciating pain. A trip to the emergency room determined that I had broke my collar bone and gashed a finger open (which needed stitches) but miraculously, that was it.

Even the doctors were amazed that we were in decent shape as we were ( My husband just had a couple of scrapes) while the truck it self was totaled and took a beating.

The doctors also said they were amazed by my positive attitude. I told them

"I'm alive. I'm happy."

They sent me home with a sling and 3 different types of painkillers.

For the first couple of weeks, my attitude kept positive. But when it was time to wing me off the meds, that positive attitude went out the window.

My system had to get used to not having that warm and fuzzy feeling the pills were giving me, and the first week, everyone was walking on egg shells around me. The littlest thing would set me off. I would cry or curse at the drop of a hat.

Then, the nightmares started to happen. Car crashes. I was constantly dreaming about car crashes. I would jolt up in the middle of the night in a cold sweet because they were so vivid and seemed so real.

The thought of riding in a car with anyone driving but me was a terrifying thought (which is odd, because I am not the greatest driver in the world).

If someone slammed on the breaks, I started having panic attacks. I got real mopey around the house and just wanted to be left alone.  Around that time, was when Jacob was talking about only going to the Anglican church instead of the Baptist church my parents and I was attending.

I was frustrated and didn't know what to do, so I just stopped going to church for a few weeks.

I hated feeling so Miserable all the time, so I prayed "God, take this away. Let me be happy again! Let me know you're still there!"

Yep, my depression was getting so bad, that it felt like God was so far away and I just felt so alone.

When I prayed that, I felt the need to cover my head again. But yet again, I couldn't figure out why.

So I went on youtube, to see if I could find other women out there like GothMummi who covered and why they felt the need to.

Boy, did I ever get an answer. I found so many women who felt the same I did, with various different types of coverings, for different

and multiple reasons.

But one reason they all had in common, was a chapter in Corinthians.

1st Corinthians 11:

"I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the traditions just as I passed them on to you. ³ But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man,^[a] and the head of Christ is God. ⁴ Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. ⁵ But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is the same as having her head shaved. ⁶ For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head."

I was astounded. I spent my entire life in church and yet, I didn't even know this verse existed. Why had I never heard about this before? Why don't I ever see women in church cover?

So I talked to Husband. Though the verse has specific instructions for covering when praying or prophesying, I felt a specific instruction to cover whenever I left my home.

I told him how I felt and what I felt like God was leading me to do. I asked him how he thought.

Knowing he was the one that was going to be seen with me, I didn't want to be embarrassed of me. Also, I wanted to see if this was a real calling. The great thing I could tell almost right off the bat that Jacob was my other half, is that if God is leading one of us, he's leading the other as well.

He smiled, held my hand and said

"Baby, if this is what you feel God is commanding you to do, I can't stop you."

And that was all it took...

I started off small, with knit caps and bandanas, but it was long till I went to Hebrew Tichels and Arabic style Hijabs.

I whenever I veiled, I felt like I was veiled in the Glory of God. I began praying more, reading my Bible, and for the first time in my life, I began to feel like I was a servant of God.

This feeling was new to me. As a young child, I saw God as more of a parent. Then in my teens, as something I was scared to anger, in my evangelical years I proclaimed Christ was my best friend, and almost felt like a magic Genie that granted me numerous wishes.

But not this time. This time and to this day, I still feel like I am his servant. I was made to serve him, not the other way around.

Then I started attending The Anglican church. I got a lot of compliments on the scarves I would wear, and all the interesting questions.

The most memorable moment for me, was a fancy dinner our parish had for the south eastern diocese synod. We had Anglican Catholics and priests from all over the south come.

As I made my way into the gardens with my black and white scarf in the style of a hijab, and quickly noticed eyes and whispers. But not in a judging sense. More in fascination.

I later spoke with my priest, and he said many of the priests were asking him if I was Coptic (Egyptian Orthodox).

When they did come up to me, they would ask me where I was from.

I would say "Oh, (insert name of my town here), about a half an hour away."

They would reply "No, where are you from from?"

They all asked if I was from different countries. Syria, Egypt, Israel, etc.

When they found out I was 100% American, and my reason for covering, they were astounded. Most remember the doilies and hats from long ago, but never anyone my age who fully covered as I do.

One even came up to me and asked "Do you do this for religious purposes?"

I replied "Yes sir."

He smiled, pat me on the shoulder and said "You're an inspiration."

I couldn't believe it. All this from a scarf.

The headcovering Also helped keep me in mind of my actions.

I knew when people first saw me, they knew I was religious. So I had to make sure that if I am to be an ambassador of God, my actions and words need to reflect my appearance. My language cleaned up, I stopped flipping the bird in traffic (Yes, I did this. Not proud of it, but I did, and have repented.).

Months went on, and after a while, the coverings got smaller. Usually thin scarves or headbands where I would have most of my hair exposed.

Then, slowly, I stopped covering full time.

I still cover when I attend any church service and private prayers and Bible Study at home, or at times when I feel like I'm needing to but I had the feeling God was letting me know that full time was no longer needed.

I often wondered why he wanted me to cover for almost a year.

Then it hit me. That year was a huge, life changing transition period.

I was changing churches, I was getting married, I was moving out on my own for the very first time, I was changing programs at the call center where I worked. EVERYTHING was changing what seemed all at once.

I'm not the greatest with change. We all like our comfort zones, and some adjust better than others.

I think the reason why I needed to cover was to remind myself, that even though I was stepping out as a full fledged adult, God was still right by my side, and he wasn't going to desert me.

Last Month was my one year wedding anniversary, this past March marks the one year that I have

attended my parish, and I can tell you, it's been a wonderful, yet crazy year. Yet God was still there through it all.

May the Lord be with you.